The way you talk to your child about practice has a lot to do with how your child feels about practice. This post is chock full of amazing suggestions and even a script!
Set the Stage
Start by creating an inviting, uncluttered space for the piano or keyboard. Keep any necessary items, like bubble or music players and alphabet pieces, nearby. If you want your child to enjoy practicing, make the piano a pleasant, approachable place.
Why Do You Care?
Before making changes, take time to understand your child's perspective. Talk about why practicing is valuable, and reflect on why it's important to you, too.
"Hey, sit with me for a minute. I'm excited for this new semester of music! You’re learning so much in class. I’ve been thinking about practice—can I share what I’ve noticed?"
"I’ve noticed how confident you feel when you're prepared for the week’s goals."
"I love when you're caught up on practice; you really engage in class and show your teacher what you know. You have more fun when you’re prepared!"
"It seems like practice makes it easier at home, too. It doesn’t feel as tricky when we do it every day. I love seeing you enjoy making music!"
"I get excited when I see you mastering what your teacher shows you. You’re so brave, learning tough new things."
"Here’s something cool: practicing music actually makes your brain bigger! It helps you think better and teaches you how to keep going, even when something's hard. I’m proud of you for sticking with it."
Reality Check
Some kids can handle this conversation all at once, while others may need it in smaller doses. Regardless, it’s important your child understands why you ask for practice.
Then, engage them with questions like:
“Do you notice that?”
“Do you feel that way?”
“What’s it like for you when you go to class prepared (or not)?”
Sit and listen! After a successful practice, you might hear,
“Yeah, I had fun playing that piece, and I feel proud I learned it in a week. My practice paid off!”
By helping your child recognize the joy and challenge of making music, you foster intrinsic motivation—the desire to continue, even without rewards. This takes time and patience, and while intrinsic motivation is key for the long term, your guidance (extrinsic motivation) is essential until your child fully grasps it.
Strategize Together
Practice time involves your child, so let them help decide how to make it work. Have a conversation about how to make practice enjoyable, and listen to their ideas.
"Hey, I’m excited to see you practice every day! Help me figure out how we can make it work well and fun."
"I like practicing after dinner. I’m too sleepy in the morning."
"I’d rather practice in the morning since I just want to play after school."
"I really enjoy playing duets with you. It makes practice fun."
"Can I get a prize to look forward to?"
"It’d be fun if we played the class games as part of practice."
"I like having a few minutes to play my own songs."
"It’s fun when you play for me, so I can just listen."
"I like getting stickers to see my progress."
"I want to decide the order of what I practice."
"I like setting a timer so I know when I’ll be done."
Take note: Your child might not articulate these thoughts clearly. If they don’t, read these statements aloud and ask, “Does this sound like how you feel?”
A Written Practice Plan
Create a written agreement with your child. Little ones often forget promises, so writing it down helps everyone stay on track.
For example:
"We agree to practice after dinner, set the timer for 15 minutes, play duets once a week, and Mom will give cute stickers to track our progress."
Include a backup plan:
"What happens if practice time doesn’t work one day?"
"What if we miss a day completely?"
Decide in advance. It will happen!
Also, discuss what happens if your child doesn’t follow through. Ask for their input on consequences.
For example:
"Johnny agrees to come to the piano when I remind him. If we’re too busy in the morning, he’ll practice before bed. If Johnny throws a tantrum, he won’t have a playdate that day."
The Adult's Role
Ask your child what you should promise to do.
For example:
"I want to be helpful, so I promise to remind you when it’s practice time. Do you want a 5-minute or 10-minute warning? I’ll also sit with you for the first two practices each week to help if needed."
If things don’t go as planned:
"If you throw a tantrum when I ask you to practice, it will break our agreement. If you want to practice at a different time, let’s talk politely and see if we can make it work. What should happen if you don’t practice at all one day?"
For some children, the natural consequence of being unprepared for class may be enough. However, your child might still need extrinsic motivation (like your reminders) to stay on track.
Jump In, But Be Ready for Bumps!
Post your agreement and start practicing. When the day comes that your child doesn’t want to practice, gently ask what makes it hard and try to understand their feelings.
"Okay, Johnny, we're here at the piano, but it looks like you're having a hard time starting..."
"Are you feeling nervous because this song feels really big and you're unsure where to start? Maybe you could focus on just the right hand for these two measures and repeat them a few times. That’s enough for today!"
"Are you worried it won’t sound right because you don’t know it well yet? It’s okay if there are mistakes. I love hearing you push through the tough parts. Let’s focus on that tricky section and practice it a few times."
"Does this song feel not much fun right now because it's hard and slow? Yes, it can be tough at first, but you get faster and smoother each time you play, and that makes it more fun! How about we work on it for a few minutes, then play something you know really well?"
"Are you still thinking about that toy you were playing with earlier? It was fun, wasn’t it? You’ll be able to play again in 20 minutes. I bet if we practice this song, you’ll start enjoying the piano, and the time will fly by."
"I notice you’re really fidgety today! How about we do five jumping jacks between each song to get some wiggles out?"
If your child feels understood, they’re more likely to respond positively to your suggestions.
The Unilateral Decision
Sometimes a child may resist music lessons. If this happens, take time to explore why. Are they feeling over-scheduled, pressured, or wanting more playtime? Are they nervous about challenges or feeling left out?
If your child was initially excited but isn't feeling it now, try to help them understand their feelings and find a way forward while still honoring the practice agreement.
As a parent, it's important to decide how much weight you give musical education in your family. Just like school attendance or after-school sports, music lessons can be a non-negotiable part of family life. Children learn that some things are a given priority in the family, and they’re not up for debate.
"Johnny, I know you’re not enjoying practice right now. I care about you so much, and I believe so many great things will come from sticking with music. I have dreams for you, and musicianship is one gift I want to give you. It's important to me that we continue, so I won’t let you stop. I’m committed to helping you have fun with this and catch my vision. I’m confident that one day, you’ll see it too!"
Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
Our hope is that my child will fall in love with music, using it as a means of self-expression and creativity. We want it to be a tool for relaxation, fun with others, and a lifelong source of joy and challenge. Ultimately, we hope the desire to create beauty and master new skills will keep her drawn to the piano on her own.
A child who taps into these intrinsic motivators will sustain her music practice for years—even when I'm not there to remind her.
The last thing you want to hear is your child say, "I only practice to get privileges," or "I practice because I have to."
You don’t want her to quit music when you’re not around to offer a reward (extrinsic motivator). So, what can be done?
Long-Term Vision
The goal is for your child to experience the many benefits of musical education while enjoying the journey. Right now, your child practices because they trust you, love their teacher, enjoy rewards, and have fun with you at the piano.
Over time, something amazing will happen—they’ll find their own joy in making music, enjoy overcoming challenges, and take pride in creating. They’ll practice because they’re intrinsically motivated and have embraced your long-term vision.
We wish you the best as you guide your child toward discovering the joy and rewards of music!
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